I enjoyed the silence. I prepared my morning coffee and instead of hiding from my thoughts with the radio while getting ready for work or the tv while relaxing on a day off, I sipped in silence and connected to the fall vibrancy out my window. I had my journal at my fingertips and began my day with gratitude, the joy of silence, and a little reconnection to that beautiful spirit of resilience within me.
Like many, I have been feeling off for some time. One of my biggest coping mechanisms has always been the tv, enjoying the companionship of the relationships displayed there instead of choosing to connect and enjoy the silence around me. It is not that I don’t like who I am, I am a good person (though human and with some failures now and again), but for some reason I think I have always been somewhat afraid of being alone. I am not sure why, there are times when I crave the solitude to just relax and refuel and can be fiercely independent, but perhaps it is that in the silence sometimes my fears creep into my thoughts as opposed to those things for which I am grateful and could be celebrating.
I suppose maybe it is akin to those with insomnia, heads hit the pillow and the thoughts take over. For me it is often the thoughts taking over without the distractions. The thought of silence and my journal can become like facing the number by stepping on the scale when I know I have gained weight or opening the bill that has arrived those months when money is tight. The fear of the dreaded thought can be worse than reality, for when we have the real number, fact, or moment of silence it allows us to find that way forward.
And so this morning, I made a conscious effort to avoid the power button for the tv or radio, to take a few minutes in the silence to reconnect with that beautiful, loving spirit within me that fuels my resilience and brings joy and creativity into my life. I connected with that beautiful heart deep within that reminds me that though I may currently be finding myself in moments of solitude there is great love that surrounds me but more importantly reaches out from within me to envelop myself and reach out to those around me, be it the community I know and love or the prayers for those that I may not know but need to feel kindness in their lives from strangers near and far.
And today I found the joy and rekindling of spirit in the decision not to go into work today – the tasks I wanted to accomplish (or use to avoid other tasks and thoughts) need not truly be accomplished today. Today my spirit is more important, not the mesmerizing drone of the tv, but the sound of my cat’s water fountain, the call of my canvass to find those paints I’ve not used in over a year, and perhaps the crackling of a fire in my fireplace to relax by this afternoon. It is the call of my spirit to reconnect and refuel on this day of thanksgiving and gratitude.
And so, dear ones, today I wish you a moment or two of silence as well when you can reconnect with that beautiful spirit within each of you. May you truly have a moment of silent gratitude in your day and may it bring with it the peace of a deep sigh of contentment for just that single, beautiful moment.
With love, Glenna