I can understand why individuals will themselves too death. I am NOT saying I am there or anywhere ready for that to be my choice, but I can understand it. That free will choice is sometimes one of the toughest things we face in life.
After my surgery Tuesday I came home Wednesday thinking that this one had been a relative breeze. Things quickly went downhill Thursday when my bowels decided that they weren’t ready to really begin to work again after the anesthesia. By about 2 or 3 in the afternoon I stopped passing any gas, by 4 or 5 I was mighty uncomfortable and began walking the track around my house to try and get something to go, and it wasn’t long until I began throwing up. (apologies to my company – what a way to end a special opportunity for visiting that I had been looking forward to).
Once again, I am grateful for those in my life that surround me with a force just as determined as my own, one filled with love and caring, and I saw myself heading to the hospital with a very special one of those individuals by my side. You see, sometimes perhaps we don’t have our own strength to make the choice we know we must make, maybe we are tired, afraid, feel weak, or just plain don’t want to have to start all over again. It’s kind of like if you have worked hard to lose weight & get fit, then let yourself go, it is twice as hard to do it again because you know exactly what you need to do to get there, only this time you know the work that lies ahead of you and that you can’t let go but have to keep making those choices, keep using your strength and keep moving forward. I had the wind taken from my sails and (thankfully) don’t recall a moment in time when I felt so exhausted and found it so hard to choose to pick up, set my chin with determination, and get moving again.
So thank you, as I write this today I am weeping tears of gratitude for those that encircle me with their love, their strength, their individual talents, hearts and kindness. Be it scheming to take me to hospital, sitting by my side in emergency until all hours, rubbing my legs to warm them so I will stop shivering and bringing warm blankets, bringing the magical bag with toothbrush & clean underwear and sending the call for reinforcements, the medical staff for their attention and talents, the friends coming to hospital, bringing me home again and again, those (who knew what was going on) that checked on me, maybe even sent me horrible puns to keep me smiling. All of these individuals impacted me, each lending me the strength of free will choice to choose again that I needed to get up and walk and move and breathe deeply even when it hurt to keep pneumonia at bay.
We never know where these people will come from in our life, but I believe that they are each a separate little miracle in mine. Maybe it is someone I met through work, through school, someone I met so many years ago that the blackmail stories we have on each other ought to keep us working hard to outlive the other so that the tales can never come out, maybe a random meeting somewhere like a brewery patio one sunny afternoon or through business encounters or circles of circles of friends or maybe even through an ex, or an ex himself, heck maybe even an ex yet to come. Perhaps it is someone that shared their own vulnerable story with me at the change room of a gym or through the electronic world of social media. Maybe it is even just a random stranger doing their job, paths that will cross but for an instant but make a difference for a lifetime. And maybe, like happened for me today after the strong encouragement from friends to walk on what feels like a cold and windy fall day, it is the song on my iPod that began with the Pirates of the Caribbean remix words “On Your Feet!”.
For each and every one of you, may you find the same miracles in your own lives as I am truly honoured to have in mine.
As I ended my walk today my iPod once again did it’s magic as it played this song. Allow me to share with you the link to McMaster & James – Thank you!
Watch the video. Available via youtube.com. https://binged.it/2PdK1MZ
With love and gratitude, setting my chin for the next re-start towards strength and health,
“All the love you give it’s a healing thing
And I thank you” – Thank You, by MC Master & James