Ever had that stretch of time where you are so ornery you can’t stand yourself? I have been catching myself in a whirlwind of negativity somehow, my inside chatter has been negative, somehow focusing on reliving past hurts and frustrations. Why and more importantly how to stop it?
Perhaps the reasons why can include the fact that (after 3 surgeries…what do I expect) I am still not 100% up to par and tucker out quickly if I try to be out and about? Worry over my Mom’s health and move into a long term care facility…is she being well taken care of and getting the rest she needs to recover from a stressful move that happened quickly when the availability came up? Frustration that I don’t know what is coming…will there be chemo or won’t there and if so how long? Do I plan to be back to work sooner or later? How do I keep myself from becoming stir crazy, given too much time to think, and understanding that too much time playing Farm Heroes Saga on my cell phone (which takes no intellect whatsoever) gives me too much time to let my intellect overthink and focus on crap.
So today I have decided to take a vacation – the cell phone is turned off and in a drawer. Oh the freedom that has given me already this morning….and yet you see me on a computer at this moment….but I wanted to share this little “epiphany” with you.
When is the last time you looked at your love letters from the past? What does that mean to you? Do you know where to find them?
Love Letters – from the dictionary of Glenna; that spark of memory that stirs my spirit into joy, brings a smile to my face, and connects me not only to the love others expressed for me but the love I gave to myself. For me it is beyond the traditional expression of feelings from someone in the past, but it is also coming across anything with my (late) Dad’s handwriting on it or even an old auction mart card that he used to record the cattle he had bought (and bonus of knowing that Mom used them for grocery lists, etc.). It is photographs of moments captured in time. It is the Bambi quilt from my youth that I still have (though it is now falling apart). This morning it was flipping to random pages in the journals I have been using over the last year and reconnecting to those incredible moments of gratitude, defining what it is that I truly want in life, and / or just identifying my intentions for the day. It is a song that vividly brings to mind a memory or causes my body to stir into dance. It is the instant connection and flashback that comes from certain smells….especially of time in Mom’s kitchen (there is nothing that brings comfort to me like the smell of hot food in Corningware wrapped in towels to keep it up to temperature while being taken to the fields to feed the men during harvest time). It is wrapped in the laughter of memories shared. And it is even the tears that stream down my face when missing those that were once so important in my life.
It has always been important to me to surround myself with photographs of those I love, memories past, and places that bring me peace…it wasn’t until now that I realized why.
It is not just photographs on display, it is love letters!
It is moments captured of letting down my guard, living in the moment, a connection to others and that energy of caring brought about when I allow myself vulnerability. It is not about vanity of snippets of time when the I felt camera ready but about wrapping myself in positivity and a reflection of what is important in my life.
And so today, dear friends, I encourage you to turn to your own love letters from the past and reconnect to the freedom of a time of love, safety, encouragement, exploration, giving in and truly living within the moment, silliness, and maybe even tears…..those moments in life that truly encourage, inspire and strengthen us as we move forward today.