For various reasons I have been having a hard time with my mental state lately, cycles that I believe we all go through. Usually positive and optimistic I have been finding that it is taking more effort these days, relying more heavily on my practice of journaling in the morning for inspiration, guided meditations (I often use a free app called Insight Timer), my gratitude journal at night, and my appointments at the gym to shake those endorphins out of their witness protection program and dancing through my body.
But things have been culminating – extra stress at work, becoming aware that it was last April I took any vacation time for myself (the office closes through Christmas too though), continuing to deal with my Mom’s estate while missing her more each day, becoming aware that it has now nearly been 2 years since I finished chemo and wondering what I have really accomplished since then to feel I am living a more full life, and not feeling I have the energy or motivation to keep up with my house, and now yard work comes again (though admittedly I had a FANTASTIC day Saturday puttering in my yard and welcoming summer with raking, pulling out patio furniture and washing it down, protecting my beautiful tulips and crocuses from the “evil” rabbits in the neighborhood, taking down some Christmas lights and setting out Conan’s pool).
And this morning as I started to write the date in my journal I was aware that it is a fresh start again to a new month, perhaps the biggest transformative month this year in my neck of the woods. After 7 months of winter the new grass is beginning to grow and turn the lackluster brown landscapes green, the trees are forming precious new buds and it gives the excitement and wonder that they will pop again any day, bursting forth with new life, taking that love and light from the sun and nutrients from the soil warming around their roots to dazzle us with their fresh brilliance. I watch my flower beds for new shoots, wondering at this point which is a flower and which is a weed but letting it all grow just now because it is all green and fresh new life reminding me that this is the season of true resilience. These delicate flowers and seeds and bulbs and trees have endured another harsh season, or cycle, and are ready to be open to the loving offerings of sunshine and warmth, the grey days of rain even that nourish and refresh bringing with them that clean smell of newness and life, and I feel the inspiration growing within my spirit once again.
Wishing you a connection to the reminder if reslience that surrounds us at springtime, the courage to find that mud puddle to jump in as we did to exasperate our Moms when we were kids, the curiousity to look at the soil beneath your feet or the trees along your path to see what is bursting forth in new life, and the sunshine on your face to feed your spirit.💖
With love, Glenna