I had a dream last night that I was clinging to my Mom for all I was worth as she was being sucked upwards with an almost tornado type force. Her words to me were that I had to let her go and couldn’t come to be with her. The tears continue to fall this morning. Having to let her go 2.5 years ago was tough enough, to have to do it again even more awful.
And yet, it tells me she is still with me, encouraging to find my own way and live my life for me now. I am not even sure how many times I found dimes preparing for my trip, at least twice in a pair, and even a Canadian penny at the gym one day. For readers that don’t know, it is thought that these are signs from our loved ones in heaven to let us know that they are near. And I know that my parents are close, and though I can no longer feel their touch for a real hug or hear their voice out loud, their wisdom is something that they instilled in me. They truly gave me the opportunity to test my wings while having a safety net to fall back on, they gave me the gift of childhood and a sense of adventure and curiousity that sees me travelling to where I am, right here, right now. And for all that they gave me I am truly grateful.
I know that my heart would not hurt nearly so much had I not been given the gift of love. It is a day that brings struggle, tears of joyful remembrances, tears of sorrow at having to let go, and even tears at the thoughts of how, as humans, they could frustrate me dearly on a day that I should be overwhelmed with excitement at being in paradise and preparing for a dive this afternoon. And although these tears fall as I sit with a beautiful breakfast before me overlooking the ocean, had I the opportunity to do it all again I would. It is because I lived with my heart open that I am feeling the full circle of emotion, and even for that gift I am grateful.
Had I not had such a gift of love I know it would not hurt, but did it not hurt how could I know that I have truly loved.
With love, Glenna