I just let my boss know I was slipping out of the office for my bloodwork in anticipation of my appointment with my Oncologist next week. Interestingly, it will actually be 1 Year TO THE DAY when they told me I was finished with treatment, for sure!
Follow ups every 3 months have all been clear. Between the last one and this one they completed a CT scan to make sure there was nothing brewing beneath the surface and that all came back clear and good (well GREAT when looking at this kind of thing). I have no reason to be afraid and should be nothing but elated. So why can’t I seem to stop the tears that are blurring my vision as I try to write this?!
Oh Cancer Diagnosis, you are a tricky one aren’t you!!!
I have always been the type to become emotional after the fact – the emergency has been dealt with, the fire put out or the war fought. But I thought I had that taken care of – after all it has been a year. So many things to be grateful for, so many joys towards living a renewed life well. A tribe of women that have encircled me with their love, wisdom and support, celebrating life’s little and big moments together.
Perhaps these are tears of gratitude?
Perhaps these are tears for what could have been without a life with cancer?
Perhaps these are tears of fear for what could have happened had it gone undiagnosed, untreated, or “un-triumphed” over.
Perhaps these are tears for those who have lost or are still fighting valiantly?
Perhaps these are tears of being inspired by those strong survivors around me.
And perhaps these are tears for those who have lost their hope.
But whatever the root, these tears tell me I AM ALIVE! I am living a life whole heartedly, embracing these emotions as opposed to hiding from them (even if I can’t explain them), and I intend to celebrate the hell out of next Thursday, June 22, 2017!!!!!